Fred and Susan

Fred and Susan came to mediation because of continuing disagreements over contact arrangements.  Susan felt that Fred was not giving their children sufficient priority in his life and wanted him to, as she put it, behave more responsibly.  For his part, Fred felt that Susan was frequently “difficult” about varying contact arrangements and reluctant to let him see the children as much as he wanted. 

In the course of mediation, Susan expressed her views forcefully.  On the other hand Fred said very little and did not appear to be able to express his opinions easily.  At one point turning to Fred the mediator suggested that Fred found it difficult to express himself because he felt that Susan “kept going on at him”.  Susan responded angrily to this, suggesting that the mediator was taking Fred’s side.  Turning to Susan the mediator said that he understood how she felt that Fred was not giving the children sufficient priority in his life and needed to make more time for them and take more interest in their schooling and other activities.  Susan confirmed that this was right.  He then turned to Fred and said that from Fred’s point of view it appeared that Susan kept on repeating the same thing and did not give him an opportunity of putting in his own position.  Fred confirmed that to be so.  For the first time Susan acknowledged that her approach to Fred might not have been assisting communication and that she needed to learn to listen to him more effectively.  Fred for his part acknowledged that he needed to be less rude and at times abusive towards Susan. 

At the mediator’s suggestion they then went on to consider what steps they could each take to try and improve their communication with each other and build a better working relationship as their children‘s parents.